Don't Check

The News

Don't check the news today. I already checked, and it wasn't good. Experts in every field predicted that things are likely to get worse. The factories were still producing big metal tanks instead of big metal tractors. Different politicians were threatening each other over various pretexts. There was a lot of news analysis of conflict and war.

The verse predicts that (Isaiah 2:4) "... and they shall beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift the sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore." As of this post, none of this had happened. Everyone was still worrying and fighting and upset at each other.

You might hope that, at least, idolatry had disappeared from the face of the earth, but no. People were busy with their phones. Not even the United Nations were really united. G-d was not universally recognized and exalted, so of course, it could be no other way. I pray for peace and a better world for everyone.

I am a woman, and women, especially mothers, hate wars more than men do. They are disruptive and make it difficult to grow either kids or flower gardens.

If someone needs more excitement in their life, they can be a mother's helper in my house. Right now, someone is killing zombies with a flashlight, someone is burrowing under a rug, someone is running around in circles for no obvious reason, and someone else is not wearing shoes. Why? Maybe the Pentagon can investigate.

Mothers do get some respect, for producing soldiers, but that's it for respect. No one wants their opinions on anything. Not even which type of hand soap to use on army bases, or how to menu plan for soldiers, or what kind of broom to sweep up exploded land mines with. Inexplicably, they ask people who have never done any cooking or cleaning. Like 18 year old boys who volunteered to be soldiers.

But we need peace, and I just checked the New York Times and the Drudge Report and Al Jazeera, and no one else has proposed a workable solution, so it falls upon me, IYH, to do this. "In a place where there is no man, try to be a man".

I hereby declare Putin the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, and Ukraine the winner of independence.

(Putin needs to win something, you see, and the Nobel Peace Prize is a great way to avoid actually giving him anything.)

The USA and Canada win the Nice Country Of The Year award.

(At least, they think so.)

Israel wins for Most Distracting.

China wins Scary country of the year, with participation trophies going to Russia, Iran, and North Korea.

Everyone in the European Union wins best team player. They stayed together for another year.

Turkey wins the Thanksgiving prize, for changing their name to Türkiye.

Taiwan wins the award for trying.

Mexico wins Most Attention to Border Security,and the rest of South America wins the drug cartel competition, except Brazil, which wins the diversity of corruption competition.

Africa, as a continent, wins for ability to survive challenges, like famine and natural disasters and lions.

Australia wins for Most Reformed Prisoner Descendants. A real prison reform success story.

New Zealand wins the superior award, as they are convinced they are superior to everyone else in every way .

And last but not least, the United Arab Emirates wins for best ally shopping, with honorable mention to Bibi.

Apologies to everyone who was left out. Put your name in the comments and I'll come up with something.

Part of the IYH peace plan includes healing from trauma. Everybody has to go to therapy twice a week, especially therapists. Anti anxiety medication will be added to the water, along with fluoride. There's a lot of historical PTSD that needs treating.

We have secretly been training teams of penguins from Antarctica for this purpose, as it is the only continent that is still free of war. We all have a lot to learn from Antarctica. Also, penguins are really fun to train.

Next, we will distribute, via aerial supply drops, containers with a mask, COVID test, chocolate bar, and veggie burger to everyone for lunch. Anyone who is still hungry after this can come to my house for cookies. After the war is over. That should really help to motivate them to hurry up.

There you go. I have solved the world's problems. Now it's your turn to help me. What should I make for dinner?