Eating Healthy?

Internet cooking, part one

Part 1:

Many people, who post on the internet, pride themselves on having a healthy diet. Let's give them all a well-deserved round of applause.

Now wave them farewell, and turn your attention to me. I cook for yumminess AND health.

You can't trust recipe reviews on the internet. Read the reviews if you do not believe me. Not a single one actually made the recipe as given. So like everyone else, I create my own spin on the recipe, and then post a review, supposedly about the recipe, but really about what a great job I did making it taste better than the person who invented it. Think of all those people who are impressed with my anonymous self.

Would you like to impress your friends and family, while cooking only with healthy recipes? I will teach you how

Take the healthiest recipe that at least some people think tastes good. For example, any kind of muffins. Inevitably there will be one recipe that has 2,000 reviews about being delicious and healthy. Not a single one of the 2000 reviewers followed the recipe as given. But that's okay

You can improve their recipe too. But it's already a healthy recipe, so instead of making it healthier, let us focus on getting it to taste better.

My guests always love my muffins. They feel safe eating them, because I reassured them that these muffins are based on a healthy recipe. I do not explain that I improved it with the opposite goal in mind - that of making it less healthy.

For example, if a popular healthy recipe calls for honey/ monk sugar/ agave, you will find that many reviewers put in Splenda. Use regular white sugar instead. And an extra half a cup, to make sure it is sweet.

Instead of replacing eggs with applesauce, you should double the eggs, to make it richer. More eggs taste better, and cholesterol is important for growing brains.

You will find that many reviewers claim to have omitted the oil without affecting the taste. They are liars. Instead of omitting the oil to cut calories, replace coconut or olive oil with whatever oil is cheapest at the store, and whole wheat flour with white flour. Add a little more oil than the recipe calls for.

I replace nuts or oatmeal with chocolate chips or sprinkles. Raisins can be replaced with m&Ms, and all purpose white flour is wonderful for baking with. So is iodized salt, artificial vanilla flavor, and baking soda and baking powder. These have to be unhealthy, because they're made by big companies, and are not natural like yeast.

Using these guidelines guarantees that recipes always turn out amazing. A healthy, good tasting recipe has so much potential in it, when made by the right cook.

Watch out for my new cookbook, in part two of this post. Also a diet based on my theories of healthy living, and a wellness system that you can join support groups for.