Hope and Change In A World Of Hate

From Babylonian Exile to Babbling Baby

Special thanks to Rebbetzin Devorah Fastag for contributing much of the material and for her ongoing insights. Thank you to Debbie Rubinstein for her assistance with translations. Many thanks to my friends for tolerating my random questions, especially about graphics.

Changing My Baby

As I was changing my baby's outfit, I found myself saying in my best baby talk, "It's time to change you! Want to be changed?" I was obviously thinking about changing his clothes, which he had just spit up on. But as I snapped his little undershirt, a thought struck me: Am I sending the wrong message by telling him I'm going to "change" him? Shouldn't I love him just as he is, unchanged?

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Picture this: My sweet baby, looking up at me with those big, trusting eyes, while I blabber on about changing him. His innocent little mind might be thinking, “Why does Mommy keep saying she wants to change me? Am I not good enough as I am? What’s wrong with me now?”

Hmmmmmm. G-d loves each of us exactly as we are. And G-d created us with the capacity for growth and improvement. So perhaps there's a delicate balance to strike here. We want him to change from a baby, to a child, and eventually an adult.¹

Modern secular psychology often suggests we shouldn't try to change others, emphasizing autonomy and unconditional acceptance. While there's wisdom in accepting people, there are also times when we must change. When we work on ourselves or help guide others, it's not about changing who we fundamentally are, but about revealing our better selves.

I love my baby no matter what, but after he is washed and changed, he looks super cute and clean. If we change ourselves, perhaps we can improve the world we see around us.

Stop the spread... of hate!

The Significance of the Temple's Destruction

The sages teach that the First Temple was destroyed because of the sins of idolatry, immorality, and bloodshed. The Second Temple was destroyed because of baseless hatred.² The First Temple was only destroyed for 70 years, but the second has been destroyed for millennia. Judging by the punishment, it seems baseless hatred is worse than idolatry, immorality, and bloodshed.

But why should the destruction of the Temple concern people today, especially those who are not Jewish? And even if you are Jewish, the Second Temple was destroyed centuries ago. Why should we care now?

We care because, without the Temple, we are missing an extremely close relationship with G-d. Any good relationship with G-d that we have today pales in comparison to what existed when the Temple stood.

This is true for all of us, even those who are not Jewish. When the Temple stood, anyone could come and pray there and have their prayers answered. The light from the Temple candelabra (menorah) sent out a spiritual light to all the world, and anyone who wished could respond to it and find G-d. Jews were commanded to come to the Temple for many occasions, and when they came, they could feel G-d's presence in a way that was almost palpable, something that could not be felt anywhere else in the world.

In the Temple, many people were able to experience Ruach HaKodesh, a form of Divine communication somewhat less than prophecy, but still a real connection with G-d. Sins weren't only forgiven; they disappeared. Without the Temple, the spiritual blockages caused by sins remain in the world, with no way to remove them. True, we can, and should, repent, and we will be forgiven; but the clouding over of G-d's presence, the inability to see spirituality because of those sins, still remains as a veil in the world, even after repentance.

Even the physical aspects of life were much better for everyone, in the entire world, when the Temple stood. The fruits and the meat tasted so much better.

But why should we be denied better tasting food because of the sins of our ancestors, who lived so long ago?

The answer is that we lack the Temple not because of our ancestors, but because of us. The Sages said that every generation in which the Temple is not rebuilt is considered as if it was destroyed in their times. If the generation merited to have a Divine, miraculous Temple, they would. If they don't have it, it means that those sins that destroyed it are still with us.³

Understanding Baseless Hatred

At this point, many of you might pat yourself on the back. After all, you don't hate anybody for no reason! In fact, you don't hate that many people at all, and the few people you do hate really deserve it! After all, they are so hateable!

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So we think.

But nearly all hatred is baseless hatred. If we understood where the other person was coming from, the hatred would disappear. It remains only because we never face the fact that it's baseless. Let me tell you a silly story to illustrate this point:

There were two workers in a shop, stocking the shelves. They were clueless about why they hated each other but they insisted they did. Finally, their boss was so frustrated with them that he hired a detective. Even the detective couldn't figure it out.

Isn't that baseless hatred?

Well yes, of course it is, but there is so much more than that.

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Examples of Baseless Hatred in Our Lives:

• If you can't speak civilly to someone who is different than you... that is baseless hatred.

• If you think bashing someone on the internet is fun and shows your great wit... that is baseless hatred.

• If you hate someone out of jealousy, because they have more talent, money, beauty, honor, intelligence, or anything people desire... that is baseless hatred.

• If you hate someone because they really did something wrong, but so did you, many times... that is baseless hatred.

• If you hate someone because they are not intelligent, not talented, etc., and that annoys you, and you want to shame them for it... that is also baseless hatred.

In short, if you hate anyone for any reason other than that they are truly evil... this is baseless hatred.

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The Impact of Technology on Hatred

Nowadays, with all our marvelous technology, you can attack and shame people before millions of people! You can tear apart someone you don't even know, just because you disagree with them! Many of us believe that we have excellent reasons for our hate, but are we right?

Is this really progress for mankind?

- Maybe the person hasn't realized that they did wrong?

• Maybe they have psychological problems, and they can't help themselves?

• Maybe they have a different view than yours because they have a different nature, a different upbringing, etc.?

• And maybe, if you would treat them better, they would also be better?

Certainly, shaming and shouting isn't going to improve them. And if you hate them because they are better than you, that is really baseless hatred!

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A Call to Action

As we approach Tisha B'Av, the day commemorating the destruction of both Temples, let's take a moment to reflect on our own feelings towards others. Let's be honest with ourselves and find those hidden corners where baseless hatred might lurk.

Here are some practical steps I will personally try to take:

1. Practicing empathy: Before judging someone, I will try to understand their perspective.

2. Avoiding online negativity: I will think twice before posting negative comments or engaging in heated arguments on social media.

3. Cultivating gratitude: I will focus on appreciating others' qualities rather than envying them.

4. Seeking understanding: When in conflict, I will try to ask questions to understand the other person's motivations.

5. Practicingkindness: I will look for ways to perform small acts of kindness daily, even for those people I find difficult.

Let's all strive to be the reason the Temple gets a little closer to being whole again. Let's hope to change, not just ourselves, but the world around us through our actions and attitudes.

Baby steps!

1. I like to imagine him saying, in a few years: “I'm a changed person. And I credit it all to my parents.”

2. Talmud, Yoma 9b

3. Based on Jerusalem Talmud, Yoma 1:1