Trump and Biden Fear The King of Demons

A fun and fictional story

Introduction:

In this purely imaginative and satirical tale, Ashmedai, the legendary King of Demons, emerges as a central figure in a fantastical narrative. In no way is this intended as a commentary on actual political figures or events.

If you are not already familiar with the original story in Jewish tradition, you may want to read the footnote first. See link in the footnote, edited to enhance understanding.

¹

Part 1: Trump Fears the King of Demons

Let's start with the facts: the twenty-second amendment to the United States Constitution, section 1, states clearly:

"No person shall be elected to be president of the United States more than twice."

A smart friend of mine is a supporter of Trump and also holds a deep respect for the US Constitution. She's in a quandary: if it's somehow declared that Trump was the actual winner of the previous election, this would mean he has been elected twice. Consequently, he wouldn't be eligible to run again. Even though he is not currently holding the presidential office.

But who is?

Anonymous sources from the Pentagon have confidentially told Isha Yiras Hashem the Other Side of the story.

Remember how passionate President Trump was about building a wall?

Trump faced significant challenges in constructing his wall. So he consulted his advisors about how to achieve this despite much opposition. They suggested that he cleverly trap the king of demons, whose name is Ashmedai. Ashmedai was, understandably, annoyed to be consulted under those circumstances.

Ashmedai to Trump: "Verily, this man has naught in this world save four cubits! (i.e. the grave) Were you not satisfied in conquering the whole world that you had to come and conquer me withal?!"

(This line is copied from Wikipedia. I can't improve it.)

Trump gave Trump Tower to Ashmedai in exchange for the Shamir worm to construct a wall. One day, Trump held a private meeting with Ashmedai in the Oval Office of the White House. He asked Ashmedai, "As king of demons, what is your advantage over the president of the United States?"

Ashmedai said, "Let the people elect me and I will show you."

So Trump handed over the election to the Other Side. Ashmedai turned into Biden, and hurled the real Trump 400 miles away, into Florida. No one believed him that he had really won the election.

Trump was shorn of his glory, and had to beg for bits of attention from the media. Everywhere he would go, he would lament, in the saddest of tones, "I am the president of the United States. I used to live in the White House."

And he would show them his classified documents, kept in boxes in the basement, the only thing left of his dignity as president.

Meanwhile, Ashmedai was elected as Biden. No one could tell the difference between them.

Part 2: Biden,King of Demons

Now you know the real reason why Trump conceded the election to the Other Side, and how, upon hearing of his concession, Ashmedai turned into Biden, and hurled the real Trump a thousand miles away, into Mar-a-lago, Florida.

(What happened to the real Biden remains shrouded in mystery.)

Meanwhile, Trump continued to proclaim publicly, "I am the rightful president of the United States. I used to live in the White House."

Initially, many dismissed Trump's claims as delusional, assuming he was merely seeking attention. But soon the Republicans  began to question themselves, saying: "If he was crazy or dumb, he wouldn't be able to play four dimensional chess. What is going on here?"

Without his Twitter platform, Trump's thoughts remained enigmatic. So Republicans tried to figure out if anyone had found evidence of the election being stolen from Trump. 

First they approached Mike Pence: "Have you met with Trump lately?" 

Sounding relieved, Pence responded: "No." 

They then inquired with his other associates about any recent encounters with Trump. Many declined to comment, citing legal restrictions.

 But Rudy Giuliani and Ivanka Trump replied positively, saying: "Yes, we visit him in Mar-a-lago."

The Republicans responded, "Does he say that the election was stolen from him?" 

Giuliani and Ivanka replied: "Yes! He insists that he won the election fair and square, and that Biden has been replaced by Ashmedai, King of the Demons. Not only that, he showed us classified documents, that he keeps in his basement, and brands himself 'a very stable genius'."

The Republicans became convinced that the individual vehemently asserting his presidential identity was indeed Donald Trump. Their interactions with Trump further solidified this belief. Rumors started to spread, suggesting that Biden's legal pursuits against Trump aimed to keep a startling secret under wraps: the individual everyone assumed was Biden was, in fact, Ashmedai, the king of demons.

They were hesitant to make hasty judgments. With a sense of caution, they considered a wild possibility: perhaps Biden was actually Trump, and Trump was truly Ashmedai. (It is well known that demons always have chicken feet, so in human form, the always cover their feet.) To further investigate this theory, the Republicans again sent a message to Rudy Giuliani and Ivanka Trump:  "Check his feet!" 

Giuliani and Ivanka replied: "His Vietnam draft exemption due to a bone spur in his foot is public knowledge. We've seen his feet many times at the pool at Mar-a-lago." 

This time, the Republicans directed their question to both Jill Biden and the Secret Service agents: "Has anyone seen President Biden's feet since he took office?"

Both parties replied, "No. Like most politicians, Joe Biden used to be fond of flip flops, so we often saw his toes. Lately, it's been all about sneakers and tennis shoes."

Upon learning this, the Republicans mobilized their efforts to reinstate Trump, believing his claims that the election had truly been stolen from him. They acquired Trump Tower in his honor and arranged for him to make a special visit to the White House, without informing anyone currently associated with Biden.

As Biden stepped into the White House, he was met with the unexpected sight of Trump, whom he believed had lost all influence. Overwhelmed by surprise, Biden transformed, unveiling wings and reverting to a demonic form before soaring into the heavens. Yet, the prospect of taking over the White House and its possible demonic traps filled Trump with dread.

Amidst the chaos, only Nikki Haley remained undaunted by the supernatural events, leading her to become the Republican nominee for 2024.

Footnote:

https://en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Translation:The_Story_of_King_Solomon_and_Ashmedai

Based on the Munich Codex of the Babylonian Talmud (Gittin 68a-b)

The Temple, while it was being built, was made of whole, draft stones. Yet, hammers and axes, or any instrument wrought of iron, was not to be heard in the Temple while it was being built. – (I Kings. 6:7)

Solomon inquired of the Rabbis: "How should it be constructed?" They answered him: "There is the shamir." He asked them: "how do I get it?" They replied: "summon demons, both male and female, for they know of its whereabouts and they shall tell you."

He bound the demons. They said to him: "We do not know where it is located, but perhaps Ashmedai, the king of the demons, knows." He asked them: "Where is he?" They said to him: "He is in a certain mountain, carving out a cistern and filling it up with water, and covering it over again with cobble stones, and then sealing it with his seal."

Solomon sent for Benaya, his general. Benaya went and dug for himself a cistern beneath that which was made by Ashmedai and drained out the water, and then clogged them up with wool. He then went and carved out a cistern above the one made by Ashmedai, filling it with wine, and covering it over again. Then, he went up and sat himself down in a tree. 

When Ashmedai eventually came to examine his seal, he opened it and found that, instead of water, there was wine! He said, "It is written: Wine is a mocker, and strong drink is raging. He that is deceived thereby shall not become wise (Proverbs 20:1). It is, moreover, written: Whoredom, and wine, and new wine take away the heart (Hosea 4:11). I shall not drink of it!" 

(Note: You have to admire a demon’s command of Scripture)

When he thirsted, he could no longer resist. He then reasoned, saying: "Wine maketh glad the heart of man, making the face radiant more than oil! (Psalm 104:15), I shall drink of it!" He became drunk and fell into a stupor. 

Benaya then came and cast upon him the chain with the Ineffable name of G-d (that means you're not allowed to say it) and locked it. When he awoke, he tried to break loose. Said to him Benaya: "Thy Master's name is inscribed upon you! Thy Master's name is inscribed upon you!"

....

After three days, he came before Solomon. He had taken up a cane rod, and measured therewith four cubits, throwing the cane down before the king. He said to the king: "Verily, this man has naught in this world save four cubits! (i.e. the grave) Were you not satisfied in conquering the whole world that you had to come and conquer me withal?!"

Solomon said to him: "I ask nothing from you, except one small thing, for I wish to build the Temple and need the shamir." He answered the king: "It has not been delivered unto me, but rather, unto Rahab (Prince of the Sea) it has been delivered. He gave i, to the hoopoe bird, seeing that he is faithful in keeping his sworn oath. And what does he do with it? He takes the rare stone to those desolate mountains wherein there is no settlement of any kind, and lays it on the ledge of a mountain. This is the reason his name is translated by us in the Aramaic tongue, Mountain Carpenter,[9] seeing that he will first cleave the mountains, and bring thither seeds from other trees, and throw them therein, causing them to spring up in those places."

They searched for a nest of a hoopoe bird that had fledglings, and when they had found one, they covered the nest over with a plate of sheer glass. She then came to her nest, seeking to go inside, but could not do so. She then went off, and returned with a Shamir stone, hoping to have it laid on top of it so as to cut the glass plate. Suddenly, a shout rang out at her, and she, being startled, dropped the rare stone. They took it up, and soon made their way back with their find. She, meanwhile, went off and hanged herself at not being able to keep her sworn oath.

...

King Solomon kept him under house arrest, restraining him from leaving until he had built the Temple. One day, he sat alone with Solomon in his palace. Solomon said to him, "It is written: He hath as it were the majestic strength of a rhinoceros (Numbers 23:22). By way of allegorically expounding the meaning of the verse, we say that 'majestic strength' refers to the ministerial angels, while 'rhinocerous' refers to the demons. What is your advantage over us?"

He answered: "Remove the chain from me and give me your signet ring, while I show you my advantage." Solomon removed the chain binding him and gave to him his ring. He then swallowed it, and positioned one of his wings on the earth, and the other wing in the heaven. Then, Ashmedai hurled him to a distance of four-hundred Persian miles (like 1,300 American miles according to the footnote )from the place where he once stood, so that Solomon was deposed, expelled from his kingdom, and he went about like a pauper begging for a piece of bread. Every place that he'd go, he would say: "I am Ecclesiastes (the preacher). I used to be a king over Israel in Jerusalem" (Ecclesiastes 1:12). When he'd say to them, "and this was my portion of all my labour" (Ecclesiastes 2:10), he'd show them his staff, which thing alone remained of all his dignity. Others say he'd show them his pauper's dish. [Meanwhile, Ashmedai usurped power and impersonated King Solomon. There was none in the kingdom who could tell the difference.]

(That's not exactly a compliment)

The Rabbis heard about Ecclesiastes. They soon began to question themselves, saying: "Verily, had he been a mad man, he would not repeat incessantly only this one thing. What is this that we have here?" They asked Benaya: "Have you seen the king lately?" He answered: "No." They then asked the neighbouring kingdoms, asking them whether the king had visited them. They replied, saying: "Yes, he occasionally comes unto us." They again sent messages to the kingdoms, saying: "Check his feet!" They returned an answer, saying: "Whenever he comes and goes, he is wearing stockings, [even while sleeping]! Moreover, he demands that women cohabit with him during their period of separation, (nidda)!and he hast demanded even of his mother, Bathsheba, that she sleep with him!"

At hearing this, they brought back Solomon who had been deposed, and they gave him the anklet whereon the ineffable Name of God had been engraved, and the chain whereon the ineffable Name of God had been engraved. When Ashmedai entered the palace, he saw him. He then flew off in the sky, making haste his escape. But even so, Solomon was filled with constant fear, trepidation and terror at the thought of Ashmedai's return, as it is written: Behold! The bed of Solomon! Sixty mighty men are about it, of the valiant men of Israel! All of them wield the sword, and are most expert in warfare; each man with his sword upon his thigh because of fear in the night (Song of Songs 3:7-8). THE END

Epilogue: for the rest of his life, King Solomon slept with 60 armed soldiers around his bed.

1. Now scroll to the bottom, and then up a little.