Whatever you do, don’t say happy birthday

Espanõl

In these dark days since October 7th, when so many of our loved ones were murdered, including my beloved cousin, Hayim Katsman¹ in Kibbutz Holit, it might seem strange to share this story.² We need to remember our humanity, even as we grieve and seek justice. This is not a story about politics -- it's about one small and successful moment of reaching out in peace.

It was my birthday recently. The wisdom of age is slowly setting in, and it turns out that actually I don't have to tell everybody everything I think 100% of the time. At least on a good day. But you volunteered to read this, so you need to know that I hate celebrating birthdays. Whatever you write in the comments, don't say happy birthday. Thanks.

So, for example, if my husband says I should go get a cake, I am not required to give him the same lecture that he has heard many times previously, about how I'm not like Pharaoh³ in the Bible, and we shouldn't really celebrate birthdays, because it is originally related to idolatry. Instead, I am really happy that we have been married for more than 10 years, and he still wanted to celebrate my birthday.

And that's how it happened that I took our little daughter with me to a local supermarket to pick out a birthday cake. My daughter wanted a pink cake. I wanted a chocolate one. Guess which one we got?!

As an aside, we ran into her preschool teacher. She volunteers preparing dead Jewish bodies for burial on the side.⁴ That has nothing to do with the rest of this post, but it's interesting.

Back to birthday cakes, having settled on a mutually acceptable pink cake, we made our way to checkout, where there was a Muslim cashier. A chance to practice my Arabic!⁵ I was happy to see his name tag said ‘Musa’. Musa is an Arabic name equivalent to Moses in English.

Unfortunately, Musa did not look very happy to see me. In fact, Musa looked like a terrorist, in addition to an air of general weariness. Possibly some questionable substances still lingering in his system.

When our turn came, I placed the cake on the conveyor belt and waited while he scanned it. Then, as he was totaling up our purchase, I casually dropped in a "Shukran" (thank you in Arabic).⁶ He glanced at me.

"Do you speak Arabic?" I asked. He said he doesn't. I looked very disappointed, and asked why his family named him Musa, if they don't speak Arabic. He did answer that. He explained that he is actually a revert⁷ to Islam. His family is from Brazil. They speak English and Portuguese, but he's trying to learn Arabic so that he can better understand Islamic prayers.

I nodded enthusiastically.

"Arabic is a beautiful language to learn," I told him. "I'm learning it too."

No response. So I waited. Then, after a long pause, he said, "Oh, I didn't hear you."

"Well," I said, "if you were really fluent in Arabic, you probably would have noticed that I said 'shukran' earlier!"

That got a reaction. He actually said a whole sentence to me, generated for the purpose of our conversation. "They didn't name me Musa. I changed my name to Musa when I reverted."

I nodded. "Musa is a great name. You know what? We share a prophet!"⁸

And then, for the first time, he really smiled. It was actually quite cute. He also looked completely, utterly baffled. The bagger clearly did not want to be anywhere near him and thought I was crazy for engaging. She might be right.

Paid for my pink birthday cake and left Musa standing there, clearly still processing.⁹

Why did I do it? I think that these small moments of connection remind us of our shared descent from Adam, made in the image of G-d. A Muslim cashier, and an obviously Jewish customer, sharing a smile over their common prophet? Well, it's not peace in the Middle East, but it's a reminder that people have a soul, and share a spiritual dimension, and can connect as individuals. And maybe that's worth celebrating, even on a birthday I don't want to celebrate because I AM NOT LIKE PHARAOH IN THE BIBLE.

1. https://open.substack.com/pub/ishayirashashem/p/im-jewish-so-maybe-you-hate-me-2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1hp7xr

2. October 7th, 2023: The date of Hamas's attack on Israel, resulting in the deaths of approximately 1,200 people.

Kibbutz Holit: An Israeli kibbutz located near the Gaza Strip border.

3. Reference to Pharaoh's birthday celebration in Genesis 40:20-22.

4. A member of the Chevra Kadisha, the holy society that prepares bodies for burial according to Jewish law.

5. https://open.substack.com/pub/ishayirashashem/p/the-museum-of-science-in-boston?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1hp7xr

6. "Shukran" (شكرا): Arabic for "thank you."

7. "Revert" is a term commonly used by Muslims to describe converts to Islam, based on the belief that everyone is born in a natural state of Islam.

8. Refers to Moses (Musa), who is revered as a prophet in both Judaism and Islam.

9. Some details have been changed to protect Musa's identity, as I was unable to ask him for permission to post this.