Smash! Burn! Crash!
NOT a Sandra Boynton baby book
Introduction:
Thank G-d for my children, even though our literary preferences are very different. Hopefully, that will change as they grow older. We have finally moved on from "Babies Love Kittens." Today, I want to discuss some other books my kids enjoy—ones with funny animals, silly ideas, and catchy English rhymes. Sandra Boynton is the premier writer in this genre.
Blue Hat, Green Hat:
One of their favorites is "Blue Hat, Green Hat," also known in our home as "The Oops book”. This book, gifted by our friend RPA, doesn't teach wearing hats but instead encourages children to pretend to put their clothes on the wrong way and run around giggling, yelling "Oops!" RPA also introduced us to saying "Spoo!" as a fun alternative, which is "Oops!" spelled backwards. While lacking moral lessons, our children have memorized this book, and find it funny every single time.
Hey, Wake Up!
The first page starts with,
"Hey little guys,
Open your eyes!
What do you say?
It's a Brand New Day!"
Although Sandra Boynton doesn't say Modeh Ani, a one-line prayer thanking G-d for returning her soul into her body, first thing in the morning, she does say other things.
Like:
“Breakfast time, come on, let's eat!”
Furthermore, it's not nice to tell a bunny rabbit that he can't play basketball because he's too small. Lastly, the breakfast standards set in the book are quite high—Cheerios, buttered toast, orange juice, and broccoli stew. Perhaps Sandra Boynton should be informed about frozen waffles.
"Pajama Time":
The counterpart to "Hey, Wake Up!" is "Pajama Time," which is equally disappointing. When our kids ask for "Pajama Time," I try to redirect them in Biblical directions.
Me: How about singing "Pharaoh in pajamas in the middle of the night"? Since you feel the need to read about people dancing in their pajamas instead of sleeping in them?
Their response:
Everybody's wearing them for dancing tonight!
Jamma, jamma, jamma, jamma,
P! J!
Clearly, despite my personal reservations, Sandra Boynton is really good at getting my kids to pay attention to the stuff she writes. I should learn from her.
Emulating Sandra Boynton, let's write a book against idolatry. In a Biblical style. Sure to be a hit for G-d fearing people everywhere!
Smash! Burn! Crash! Idols In The Trash!
Written By Isha Yiras Hashem
An idol is fake, a thing that people make,
Worshipping idols is a terrible mistake.
(Smash, burn, crash, idols in the trash!)
They cannot smell, they cannot yell, they aren't real,
They cannot see, they cannot flee, they cannot heal.1
(Smash, burn, crash, idols in the trash!)
Hippo finds an idol, smash, smash, smash,
Sweep the bits into the, trash, trash, trash.
(Smash, burn, crash, idols in the trash!)
Bunny finds an idol, can he have a turn?
Bunny makes the idol burn, burn, burn.
(Smash, burn, crash, idols in the trash!)
Unlike Parrot, an idol can't talk
And say "Destroy the idol!" in a squawk.
(Smash, burn, crash, idols in the trash!)
The lion asks the bear, "Can an idol hear?"
"Of course not!" answers a herd of deer.
(Smash, burn, crash, idols in the trash!)
The piggy asks, "Can the idol see?"
"Never!" says the wise owl up in a tree.
Smash!
Smash!
Smash!
(Crash! Burn! Crash! )
All of the idols disappear in a
FLASH!
I hope you enjoyed that book.
At first glance, it may look like the pendulum has swung into the other direction. Idol worship is not as influential as denial of the spiritual world entirely. May all idol worship disappear speedily in our days.
Notes:
An early draft was sent to Sandra Boynton, who did not respond. I will email her the link when this is published.
Pictures made with Canva. Please tell me if I made any mistakes / missed obvious cultural references.
Thank you for beta reading and feedback: RDF, MF, DL, AA, SK, YA, HRS, SWG, RL.
Did you get the pun? A herd of deer?
This line was made up by someone else.
You did a smashing job!
May I suggest the idol destroying book somehow become one of those lift- a- flap books?
Also, mazal tov on the end of the “ Babies Love Kittens” era.