There Really Are Alligators Everywhere In Florida

Dentists and Alligators 3/4

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As previously mentioned, every time we went for a walk, we were officially looking for alligators and crocodiles. Why settle for a walk? Hunting for vicious reptilian predators is way more exciting.

This time, I was alone with the child who likes dangerous animals.¹ This budding zoologist is fascinated by wildlife, and loves to dig and see what is under the dirt. The chickens gather around him, because he generously gives them any grubs or worms or insects he finds.

I did not see any wildlife. We did see a lot of ant hill mounds. Most of these were teeming with red ants. My son had been wondering if the red ants he was playing with were ‘fire ants’. He explained to me that fire ants have a painful sting.

He’d probably been stung already, if they were really fire ants. Unlike his mother, my son sincerely wanted to find an alligator or a crocodile. He might even know the difference.²

This time, our destination was a small pond in the distance. A trustworthy relative (not from Florida; none of us are from Florida) had been there several times, and said that they had never seen an alligator. It was a beautiful pond, surrounded by a circular hill, imbued with natural serenity.

We started walking towards the pond, which turned out to be a bit farther away than it looked. The streets were deserted, it was terribly hot, and there was complete silence, except for my son’s informative chatter.

Child: Did you know that a six foot alligator can eat a small bear?

Me, trying to sound interested: Really?

Child: Yes, and the six feet is measured from end to end, so the mouth doesn't even need to be that large!

Maybe people were staying away for good reasons.

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As we approached, I was very relieved to see two ladies walking around the pond. Even better, they were about to cross our path. Best of all, they seemed friendly, and they stopped to talk.

Mostly for my child's sake, I asked if they had seen any alligators or crocodiles or even some intriguing rocks at the pond.

Their faces lit up.

Nice ladies: We saw a six-foot alligator right here, where you're standing, just a few minutes ago!

(I look around. I do not see a single sign of any alligator, anywhere. I conclude that nice Floridians are like nice people in Maine warning you about moose.³)

Me, not sure if they meant what they said: Are there alligators here?

Nice ladies: Oh, yes! This pond is infested with almost a hundred alligators, fire ants, AND a snapping turtle!

My son, enthusiastically: Wow!

Me, trying to be careful:⁴ Is it safe for us to walk around the pond?

Nice ladies, reassuringly: We used to take our kids to this pond all the time when they were small. The only real danger around here is the fire ants.

(Isha Yiras Hashem mistook this to mean that the pond was alligator-free)

My son, happier than ever: Did you get stung by the fire ants?

Ladies, showing us their feet: Look at these stings here on my ankle, and here by my toes!

(We examined their feet. They did look like painful stings. Poor ladies. )

My son, who was wearing open sandals, was thrilled by the idea of a fire ant sting.

Son, delighted: Fire ants leave a painful sting!

Me: Are these ants really fire ants?

Ladies: Yes, yes, they're fire ants, and they're dangerous.

I was skeptical. Firstly, these ants looked exactly like the ones my son had been playing with since we came to Florida. Secondly, he didn't have a single sting. Maybe it was a miracle. Like meeting sweet ladies who wanted to make our walk more exciting. Thank G-d for hidden miracles.

It took around 5 minutes for us to circle the pond. Around 2 minutes in, I noticed little things poking out of the water, but these were definitely rocks. There was not a single alligator body to be seen, and nothing moved, except the silently scurrying fire ants.

I should have listened to those ladies. They were right. About halfway through, I spotted a one-foot alligator near the shore. Then I spotted alligators everywhere. Then I got very, very nervous. I had brought my beloved child to a place where we were literally surrounded by alligators, fire ants, and snapping turtles. But like the Biblical Daniel, in the lion’s den, nothing attacked us. Thank G-d for open miracles.

Then we left just as fast as I could, hoping the alligators wouldn't notice that I was scared.

Formerly:

1. He was the one who voted for a cheetah as a family pet.

2. See part 1/4 of dentists and alligators

3. We've only ever seen them on moose crossing signs, and as mentioned last time, I have a hypothesis that they don’t actually exist.They are needed for tourism.

4. Deuteronomy 4:9 …but beware, and watch yourself very well, lest you forget the things that your eyes saw, and lest these things depart from your heart, all the days of your life, and you shall make them known to your children and to your children's children… (chabad.org translation)