Day 1/8: Boris The Terrible Infiltrates Ohr Somayach And Learns About Hanukkah

Thank you for reading! Share and comment! Have a well-lit Hanukkah!

Part 1: Boris The Terrible Infiltrates Ohr Somayach and Learns About Hanukkah

To be posted before the first night of Hanukkah - December 7, 2023 (Thursday)

Part 2: Boris Is Inspired By the Greeks And Accidentally Fixes The Dreidels

To be posted before the second night of Hanukkah - December 8, 2023 (Friday)

Part 3: The Latke-tostraphe Of Intermittent Fasting

To be posted before the third night of Hanukkah - December 9, 2023 (Shabbat) (time edited to send soon after Shabbat for my local time)

Part 4: Boris Hellenizes The Chocolate Coins

To be posted before the fourth night of Hanukkah - December 10, 2023 (Sunday)

Part 5: Boris Tries To Be A Feminist

To be posted before the fifth night of Hanukkah - December 11, 2023 (Monday)

Part 6: The Power Of Local Government

To be posted before the sixth night of Hanukkah - December 12, 2023 (Tuesday)

Part 7: Other Attempts To Sabotage Hanukkah

To be posted before the seventh night of Hanukkah - December 13, 2023 (Wednesday)

Part 8: Boris Is Punished By Fire And Quits Smoking

To be posted before the eighth night of Hanukkah - December 14, 2023 (Thursday)

Introduction:

Recap, for those new to Boris, who is really terrible: Boris the Terrible1 was the sole proprietor of the only grocery store in Chelm, a predominantly Jewish, English-speaking town. Boris had a monopoly on groceries in Chelm, a fact he both cherished and loathed.

For business reasons, Boris had to learn about Jewish holidays, as he wanted to keep his store stocked and his monopoly intact. But Boris really wanted to ruin all the Jewish holidays. If he was miserable, everyone else would be miserable too. Especially the Jews.

See Rosh Hashanah, Hanukkah (CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS), Tu Bishvat, Purim, Passover, and Shavuot for some of his other misadventures.

I am deeply grateful for the guidance, patience, and support I've received from innumerable individuals who have generously devoted their time to answering my questions and reviewing countless drafts.

As always, a special thank you to Rebbetzin Devora Fastag for her guidance, and for Debbie Rubinstein for her help with translation to Spanish. Any remaining errors are mine alone.

In particular, I want to extend heartfelt thanks to Rabbi Micha Berger. His wisdom and insights have been invaluable to me in writing this. I also owe a special acknowledgment to the members of “Zelmele’s Kloiz”. Their willingness to engage with, correct, and most importantly, tolerate my questions and comments has been both humbling and enlightening.

I also want to thank Rabbi Moshe Newman, of Ohr Somayach, for giving me written permission to cite their website and to use Ohr Somayach as a major plot point. (Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu)

Thanks to Asianna Haughton, Mattie Waldstein, and LA, for their patience with my children and random graphic design questions. Thanks as well to JY, RSK, SWG, YA, BL, RPA, ERF, MSH, TGW, RDW. Thanks to Canva for their app.

Part 1/8:

Boris The Terrible Infiltrates Ohr Somayach And Learns About Hanukkah

Hanukkah was coming.

Boris was sad that the bitter month of Cheshvan had passed. That meant it was now the Jewish month of Kislev, and in 25¹ days, it would be Hanukkah. Eight² days of lights and songs and miracles? Boris would do anything to stop that from happening. Boris realized that in order to sabotage the Jews effectively, he would need to learn more about Jewish law.³

So, one fateful year, Boris set out for Ohr Somayach, an institution reputed for its enlightening teachings on Judaism, with a plan to inquire about Hanukkah.⁴ Boris told them the smallest part of the truth: he had had heard that people could go to Ohr Somayach to learn about Judaism, and he wanted to learn about Hanukkah. Not suspecting ulterior motives, they welcomed him with open arms.

Boris asked: What is Hanukkah? And why do you people light on Hanukkah?⁵

The Rabbis answered according to the Talmud: From the twenty-fifth of Kislev, the days of Chanukah are eight, on which eulogies and fasting are forbidden.⁶

Boris looked confused. He rarely thought about either eulogies or fasting.

So, at first, Boris needed to learn the story, at least in brief.⁷ The Maccabees, from a priestly family known as the Hasmoneans, wanted to keep Torah and Jewish traditions alive. Although fewer, less sophisticated, and less powerful, G-d miraculously allowed them to defeat their enemies. They wanted to light the Menorah in the Holy Temple, but all the sanctified olive oil has already been defiled.

Everyone searched for a sealed and pure jug of olive oil with which to light the Menorah. Only one jug of oil was found, enough for just one day. But miraculously, that oil lasted for eight days, giving them time to procure more pure oil. In honor of this miracle, understanding people⁸ established these eight day to thank and praise G-d.⁹ ¹⁰

Boris, who is really terrible: Why didn't they go to Costco! Or order from Amazon? They have tons of pure olive oil! From Greece!¹¹¹²

(As you can see, Boris's understanding of Hanukkah was shakier than a spinning dreidel that is about to topple.)

Which brings us to tomorrow, Day 2: Boris Is Inspired By the Greeks And Accidentally Fixes The Dreidels.)

🕎

For You:

1. https://ohr.edu/yhiy/article.php/1318

A year later, the Sages enacted the eight-day festival of Chanukah, in commemoration of the miracle of oil. Chanukah means "dedication." It also means "Chanu- Ka'H" or "They encamped on the 25th (day of Kislev)." When the Torah was translated into Greek, three days of darkness emerged into the world. The Greeks outlawed three precepts: Shabbat, calculating the New Moon, and circumcision. On the 25th of Kislev, the Jewish People's Third Exile ended; the mighty Greek Empire had been extinguished by the small light of the Jewish People.

Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

2. The Chanukah miracle: A flask with one night’s oil burned for 8 nights. But being that there was oil for one night, the miracle actually lasted only 7 nights. So why is Chanukah 8 nights?

Here are 8 approaches to answer this question: https://ohr.edu/yhiy/article.php/1299

Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

3. Enjoy these colorful illustrations of the Hanukkah blessings, translation by Isha Yiras Hashem, based on the text and commentary in the Siddur Vilna.

I thank my father for teaching me about this topic, and to Anonymous for patient graphic design assistance.

4. Rabbi Moshe Newman of Ohr Somayach has given me permission to use their material generally, so long as Ohr Somayach is spelled the way they spell it. Thank you, Rabbi Moshe Newman and Ohr Somayach.

Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

5. Tractate Shabbat 21b

6. This is not a complete quote, but see here for an excellent explanation: https://torahinmotion.org/discussions-and-blogs/mai-chanukah

7. https://ohr.edu/holidays/chanukah/history/7146

An overt campaign to eradicate the spiritual life of the Jews was initiated. Extreme decrees forbidding study of Torah, brit mila, and observance of Shabbat, were issued.

Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

8. https://www.ou.org/holidays/maoz_tzur_translation_etc/

See stanza five, last line.

9. https://ohr.edu/yhiy/article.php/1318

Megilat Ta'anit (chapter 9) relates: "During the days of the Greek Kingdom, the Chashmonaim (Hasmoneans - IYH) entered the Sanctuary, rebuilt the altar, repaired the Sanctuary's walls, replaced the sacred vessels and were engaged in its rebuilding for eight days."

The Chashmonaim fashioned a make-shift pipe menorah and, miraculously, found a small flask of undefiled olive oil, closed with the Kohen Gadol's seal. The day was the 25th of Kislev, the same day that Aaron Hakohen, the brother of Moses, was commanded to dedicate the original altar. The small flask contained enough oil for only one day's lighting. Miraculously, the minuscule amount lit the menorah for eight day, ample time to press a new supply of oil.

Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

10. During Hanukkah, there are several special prayers and blessings that are added to the regular prayers to commemorate the miracle of the holiday. One of the most well-known additions is the "Al Hanisim" prayer, which is inserted into the Amidah (the central prayer) and the Grace After Meals.

Additionally, the "Hallel" prayer is recited during Hanukkah, which consists of Psalms 113-118 and is recited as part of the morning service. These prayers are an essential part of the Hanukkah celebration.

Al Hanisim prayer: “[We thank You HASHEM] for the miracles, the redemption, the mighty deeds, the deliverances, and the wondrous events You performed for our ancestors in those days, at this season.”

More about Al Hanisim : See https://ohr.edu/holidays/chanukah/miracles/4545 and https://ohr.edu/9627

11. Rabbi Stephen Belsky recalls being at a Greek Jewish Heritage event in New York, where the Chief Rabbi of Athens mentioned to him that Greek Jews do not refer to themselves as ‘Yevanim’, a term which to them can only mean Greeks who are not Jewish.

12. Technically the Seleucid Greeks.